My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
