I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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