Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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