it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
