Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
