I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
