i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize