In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
