yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
