her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
