i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
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