ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
