My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
me + whiskey = a bad person
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
