I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
