video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
