I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
