32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
