Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
