Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
