Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
