I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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