So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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