I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
