don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
