Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
