In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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