I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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