which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
