I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
