hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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