Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
