and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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