just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
