I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
