Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
