I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize