Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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