Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
