dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
