Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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