I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
