he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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