you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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