Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
