I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
