so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
