If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
