if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
