Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
