Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
