was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize