last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
