The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize