Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
