I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
