Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i barfeds in our rink
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
