I think my vagina is haunted
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
