Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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