I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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