I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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