the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
