I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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