We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
