Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
