What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
