Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
