He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
