I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
