Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize