Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
