no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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