I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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