youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
