Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
