Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
