I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
